


nothing grows (when a house ain't a home)

by gingergenower



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: 2 x 93 spoilers, Angst, Empire Kids, Gen, Speculation, someone tell beau they love her please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22592797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergenower/pseuds/gingergenower
Summary: He finally knows her willingness to run into every fight they find themselves in, regardless of who started it or what it was for, was never the ignorant recklessness of rebellion. It has always been the conscious disregard of a lost child.The Nein were never anything more than another family to lose.Beau and Caleb talk, post 2x93.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & Caleb Widogast, Beauregard Lionett & The Mighty Nein
Comments: 7
Kudos: 129





	nothing grows (when a house ain't a home)

It’s morning, and it’s quiet. Caleb’s the first awake because he never quite fell asleep; sitting up, back to the edge of the dome as he crosses his legs, he rubs his eyes. In the dim sunrise, the group is still sleeping, exhausted and tense from the stress of the day before. 

They heard Jester’s story as they walked, disbelief turning to incredulity as she explained what she had done, but she wasn’t interested in their praise. She clung onto Beau’s hand and led them through the forest, getting as far as fast as possible, and Caleb followed, not interested in offering her another compliment she didn’t need.

Someone might be foolish enough to be afraid of  Yasha’s size or Fjord’s manipulation or Caleb’s magic, but Jester could pull that person into her life and earn their devotion with nothing but earnest kindness and laughter. 

She has always been the most dangerous member of the Nein.

Caleb’s gaze falls to her, and she’s cuddled in close to Beau, who in turn is using  Yasha’s thigh as a pillow. She blinks back at him, the only other one of the group awake. 

They look at each other for a moment, and then Caleb raises his hand and waves a good morning greeting, gesturing to the ground beside to offer an empty place to sit. Beau nods, stifling a yawn with the back of her hand before she moves. 

She carefully manoeuvres herself out of Jester’s hold, standing in the small patch of space she’d made by sitting up. Caleb offers her a hand for balance, two people between her and him, but she ignores it and springs, landing the jump so lightly on tiptoe she doesn’t even make noise.

Knees to her chest, arms wrapped around them, she watches the sleeping group with him so close they’re almost touching.

“ _ Gut morgen _ . How are you?” Caleb asks, soft and low enough not to disturb the rest of them.

“Fine,” she says, swallowing hard. “You?”

“I am well, thank you.”

She pulls the necklace her father gave her taut around her neck, the stone’s colour dull in the overcast sunrise, and she rolls it between her fingers, thoughtful.

“Do you think he was right?”

Blinking, she drops it and looks to Caleb. “Who?”

“Your father. Do you think it protected you?”

Caleb still wakes to nightmares of Yasha’s blade plunging into her chest, dying like  Mollymauk . He’s past thinking he could leave to protect himself but those dreams make him want to- and when Beau suggested she should leave because it made  _ sense _ , he cannot articulate what he felt. It was the agony of a nightmare he couldn’t wake from.

“Oh. Um.” She glances down at it again. “I don’t... know? It’s... fuck, it’s superstitious  _ bullshit _ but he believes it, and he’s not... wrong.  So. I don’t know. Why? Do you think it did?”

“No, I do not. I think Jester circumvented a very difficult fight to protect all of us,” Caleb says softly. “I think he was wrong about a great deal.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“I think he was wrong about you.”

He finally knows her willingness to run into every fight they find themselves in, regardless of who started it or what it was for, was never the ignorant recklessness of rebellion. It has always been the conscious disregard of a lost child.

The Nein were never anything more than another family to lose. 

Shaking her head, she smiles bitterly. “Right.”

“I hardly think him capable of seeing past what he thinks should be, rather than what is,” Caleb says. “And I do not believe he will ever entertain the idea that he can’t justify everything he did.”

“Maybe it wasn’t.”

“He hit you.” Caleb catches himself scratching the scars on his arms and clenches his hands into fists, closing his eyes for a moment and exhaling, slowly. “And I don’t think you deserved it.”

The argument in her eyes fades with fatigue- emotion, more than anything, too much- and she shakes her head. Unseeing as she stares, she rests her chin on her knees and doesn’t speak for a long time. When  Frumpkin wakes in Nott’s arms, yawning wide and stretching his paws out in front of him, at the instructed thought of Caleb he climbs free and trots up to them.

“Wish Molly was here,” she says, voice dull even as she reaches down to scritch  Frumpkin’s ears, who butting his head insistently against her knee. “He’d have fucking  _ loved  _ what Jester did.”

Mollymauk would have been utterly delighted, if a little irritated he was not in the room to see it. “ _ Ja _ , he would.”

Beau wipes her eyes again, and chokes a laugh, because they won’t stop. “Is it- fuck, this is so stupid. I’m  _ more  _ fucked up because I didn’t go, what kind of bullshit is this-?”

“It’s not stupid,” Caleb says, and she laughs again, scrubbing her face.

“It feels like it. Fucking-  _ stupid _ .”

“You are grieving.”

“But I didn’t  _ go _ ,” she says, frustrated.

“I know,” he says, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to meet her eye. “I know. And I cannot imagine what your leaving would feel like, Beauregard, but- if you had. You were kind to me, and I want you to know you would have left this group better than you found it.”

She blinks, fat tears spilling down her cheeks, and he smiles slightly.

“Thank you.”

“I- um.” She’s barely holding back sobs, and swallows. “Really?”

“ _ Ja _ .”

It’s simple, but she can’t speak anymore. She shuffles closer to him and cries into his shoulder, holding his hand until the rest of the Nein begins to stir. Then, they take their turns hugging her, wiping her tears and promising her they never would have let her take the deal. While they’re distracted, Caleb thanks Jester, and she nods, smiling and serious.

**Author's Note:**

> more a collection of thoughts than an workable piece of fiction but like, no one is here for themes or plot


End file.
